Calle 13 Album Review

As a disclaimer, I've been very clear about my fervent dislike for Calle 13. Soooo, although I tried to be unbiased in my review, it was difficult to get past the fact that these cats just nauseate me. That beign said, I heard the Residente o Visitante album and hoped that maybe, just maybe, I would find some redeeming qualities in it -- be it great production or lyrical proficiency. Nope. Not at all. In fact, I'm left to wonder if all those people raving about these guys actually took the time to listen to the alum.

Residente makes a deliberate effort to be vulgar and offensive on every track -- now mind you, I'm hardly a puritan, but vulgar references aren't even enjoyable when they're so clearly made to provoke a sense of shock. There's no artistry here -- just a string of moronic verses that seek to cause discomfort and spark controversy (and I'm not easily shocked, so whatever). Sadly, the whole gimmick has worked -- journos describe Residente as being defiant or being undeterred by standards of decency. Truth be told, it's not that Residente says what's on his mind -- that would make him a GOOD artist; it's the opposite -- the isht is forced and therefore, completely inauthentic. Need examples? Let's break it down with some actual tracks:

"La Fuckin Moda"
-- Let's just pick out this verse: "Tienes los tenis embarraos de caca/Te paraste en un mojón color de espinaca." Loosely translated, it means "Your sneakers are covered in shit/You steppened on a turd the color of spinach." THIS is supposed to be revolutionary? Come on, now!
-- And, of course, there's the oh-so-clever hook "Quien es este cabrón infeliz?" Uhmmm..Riiiiiiight.

"Malasuerte Con El 13"
-- In an R.Kelly-ish turn, Calle 13 asks a girl to pee on him ("Oriname en el pecho") and goes on to talk about how, when he has sex, he climaxes in no time ("Cuando lo hundo hasta lo más profundo/ me vengo rápido"). Sure, he's supposed to be self-deprecating, but the obscanity-laden track really isn't funny or catchy in the slightest. Just retarded.

"Algo Con Sentido"
-- On this one, he steers clear of his usual focus on genitalia and goes on and on about how he's crazy and no one understandas him. I think this is his wannabe Eminem circa the Slim Shady LP years because he talks about wanting to chop heads off with barbed wire, wanting to kindap naked people and rip off their genitals, etc. ("Presiento que va a haber mucha sangre/vamos a cortar cabezas con alambres de búa/Vamos a secuestrar gentes desnudas y cortarle las tetas, los pipis y las totas"). Seriously, given how F'd up the world is right now (from the Virginia Tech massacre to the constant crimes of passion taking place), it's hardly the time to release a song that celebrates psychosis and violence for violence's sake.

A'ight, so now that you've actually read some of the lyrics, can I get an Amen?